survivor’s guilt

there’s a red string that binds me and you; your bloodshot eyes stare into my soul, i pray that you’ll never know my name. don’t unearth secret dreams when they aren’t yours to meddle with. you’ll get hurt, i swear, you’ll get hurt.

we weren’t born for battle.

but you ran to save the fallen, i learnt to wield a sword in one hand and a gun in another. i bathed in blood of those i’ve lost because this – this is what self preservation means. this is the purpose of life. i fought to b r e a t h e. lived for the sake of living, ate for the sake of eating, loved for the sake of loving.

but you ran to save the fallen and when you crumbled under the new utopia (fuck off, the sky’s still blue, everything’s still the same, everything’s changed and gone against us), i couldn’t save you with bullets.

what can i say? i didn’t know where they were going to shoot.

what can i say? i was terrified out of my mind, i’m sorry to have wished that fate’s sisters would cut our ties.

did you forget me as you fell? tell me you did, leave me the assurance that you didn’t try to reach into my mind, that you mended your body as you ran.

the day i was born wasn’t the day for a knight, but now i know better, that the past doesn’t dictate my future. don’t remember me, but i’ll always remember you – close your eyes, heal the lost boys (heal yourself) while i build a universe with my bare hands.

this red string that binds me and you sways in the wind. it won’t break though, it won’t break. this red string that binds me and you will thread our growing kingdom together and i’ll fight.

i promise.

(here’s to those who didn’t make it to 2017 – and to those who did: take another shot)

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